In TV and movies about the future (i.e. StarTrek), phasers and ray guns are often the weapon of choice. We all know that the characters are getting down to serious business when they switch their weapons “from stun … to kill.”
But we are wondering today, what are the other settings would you like to see for blasting?
On the phasers which we carry around the chickenmonkeydog office we only have five settings:
- Tickle
- Stun
- Maim
- Kill
- Obliterate
“Shock-as-if-you’ve-shuffled-across-a-carpeted-floor-in-winter-while-wearing-fuzzy-socks”
I would like a setting of ‘motivated’ so I could shoot myself and others who were being lazy and unproductive.
Oh the endless possibilities…
Definitely a ‘mute’ setting. Can’t say how many times I’ve wanted one of those for real life to stop people who rant unnecessarily.
A ‘persuade’ setting would be awesome. Who doesn’t want to channel Obi-wan Kenobi’s force powers.
‘Memory wipe’, aka the Men in Blank gadget, would also be useful.
‘Humorize’, for those people who can’t seem to help but be Debby-downers.
For emotional controls, you could accomplish a lot with ‘Love’, ‘Fear’, and ‘Respect’ settings.
In terms of the standard ‘kill’ feature, some variation could come in handy. ‘Burn’, ‘freeze’, ‘disintegrate’, ‘explode’, and ‘electrocute’ come to mind. It would give the user flexibility on using the phaser on inanimate objects.
“9-volt battery”
That feeling you get when you put a fresh 9-volt on your tongue.
Am I the only one who still does that?
How about embarassing ones like:
“Fart” – they fart uncontrollably with each zap.
“Burp” – they burp uncontrollably with each zap.
Or, mind controlling ones like:
“Apologize” – forces them to apologize for something when they get zapped.
“Thank” – forces them to say “Thanks”
“Stand up” – for old men/ladies in busses or trains who don’t have a seat.
“Outta my way” – also for squeezing in or out of crowded trains/busses
I’m all for ‘choco-fy’, with “choco” being for chocolate.
confused, but maybe that’s a combination of stunned and maimed
I second the 9-volt battery feeling.
I think ‘relocate’ would be a good one, especially if there was a setting to control to where the offending or bothersome people was relocated.
“Shock & awe” – This way we can equip our military forces to WIN the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan (also it doesn’t hurt that the backdrops there look eerily similar to those of some of the early Star Trek episodes)
Oh and a “playa” or “player” setting for wingmen/woman of the world to help out their mates (in the aussie sense) pick up the opposite sex in bars and clubs around the world. I can think of a few times that would have come in handy!
“poof!”
@ Ben & Jeff
would the “9-volt battery setting” only work if you applied the phaser to the target’s tongue?
I can’t believe no one has suggested orgasm. Think about it. If every cop had a phaser that made people get off, it would be win win, the cops could incompasitate (forgive the spelling) criminals for a minute or so (long enough to handcuff) and the bad guys don’t have to die. This may eliminate wars all together.
I just thought about it some more and an orgasm phaser may actually cause more wars…..think about it……..
At the highest setting the gun can be used to catch ghosts (alien ghostbusters!)
And before tickle there’s poke =D
Conall pass me the fired (poke) Conall! Pass me the fries aaargh (stun) Dammit you’re no good after a stunner (kill) What a bloody mess, better clean it up (obliterate) Now what? You’re gonna haunt me? Come on, you can’t haunt werewolves… You can? Muhahaha time to shift to ghostbusters mode =D
oops I meant ‘fries’ and not ‘fired’
On the softer side of ‘stun’, I think ‘itch’ would be a good setting.
Am I wrong to think that a “random” setting could be in order?
The phaser version of Russian roulette: Just point and shoot, then you find out if you’ve made someone fart, totally annihilated them or simply covered them in chocolate.
According to Star Trek the next generation they are just different levels of stun.
*Sigh*
I am such a huge nerd!
in the future, all phasers will use Facebook’s Open Graph, and therefore the default setting would be ‘Like’, then ‘add as friend’ and so on 😉
in a parallel wwe universe, stun has a variation – stone cold stun…
ok, i need coffee 😀